First the boiler steams, and then it goes BOOM

For someone who is extremely passive aggressive  (doormat quality), I don't deal very well with anger. When I get angry, I turn into a blubbering idiot making absolutely no sense. I figured out a long time ago, during my marriage and in a fit of frustration, that my brain tends to blend and fuse my thoughts into that of Lewis Carol lingo...Jabberwocky speak if you will. (Yelling "gidgets and gazmos" instead of "gadgets and gizmos" for example)

But one thing that has always been my forte is words!  So why do I clam up and lose my focus when I am upset? I still haven't figured out the "why." Instead, I learned how to avoid embarrassing myself by calming down and using my gift of logic. I'm not ashamed to say I have logic and wisdom. In fact, I am proud of those traits. ("Joy with a point")
Here's the drawback to waiting: A lot of the time, I lose my chance. The other person has completely moved on from the issue (generally thinking he or she is right due to my silence) and bringing it up again makes for more fighting.

And believe you me, I detest conflict.

So unless I have the floor to express said logic and wisdom, and unless I know that what I have to say will be respected and listened to, I have, as of late, managed to keep my thoughts to myself.

Well, there I was, sitting at work looking out of my patient's window trying not to explode. And as nature tends to do for me, I realized a few things going on in my own spirit.

You see, this window only lets me see a portion of the dreary grey skies. I feel the angst the sun is feeling, begging to be seen. I feel the battle of winter holding on with all its might, and Spring gently waving her arms saying, "Hey, it's my turn!" But winter just won't concede! And I feel it all.

I feel the frozen dreary grey happening in my own life. I can't let winter hold on to me. It's chilling me, numbing me. I need sunshine. I need Spring. I don't want to explode in this bitterness. I want to explode in the sweet fragrance of tulips, lilies, and daffodils!

And the only way I could do that was to let go of the angst. Let go of the hurt. Write it out, use my words and let logic and wisdom fill the blank spaces that someone else is incapable of filling for me.