Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Once again, another song popped in my head when I thought about my subject matter for today. Look it up. Neil Sedaka, Breaking Up is Hard to Do. Oldie but goodie.

So when was the last time you ended a relationship based on what that relationship actually brought to the table? From my experience, and from my observation of friends, family, etc., I see a continuous pattern of relationships ending in a "blow up" instead of a "break up."

Why do we wait until it is at the utmost boiling point of frustration? For me,I continuously have hope that one day things will change and the desired outcome will happen. I almost martyr myself through the situation thinking these people will really see me, value me, respect me. But in reality, those things will never exist because I have given them no reason to.

When it comes to raising children, I have learned that they truly desire consistent authority. They don't need a "mean mom." They need someone to mean what she says. My kids have learned I mean what I say. It was an exhausting ten years with my oldest, but now when she gets in the car and I say, "buckle up," she doesn't hesitate. And she says, "Yes ma'am." She does it because she respects my consistent behavior to her. She respects my boundaries.

Don't get me wrong. She still has her moments as she always will. She's human, and still has a lot of developing to do.

So then if creating boundaries for a child worked (in my opinion) so well, why do I struggle with setting them for...well, everyone else?

Why do I let people snap at me? Ever.
Why do I let certain people dictate how I spend my free time with absolutely no consideration for my desires and needs?
Why do I let anyone control any aspect of my life? My happiness? My security? My hopes, dreams?

I'm actually incredibly secure emotionally. I have no doubts of my worth.
I value myself.
I know I have a LOT to give.
I am extremely good at loving.

But some people don't know this about me, or they do and they would rather continue to take from me without ever giving of themselves.

Why does this always happen to me? It's something I have seriously been struggling with. And I realized...

It's because I didn't stand up for myself.

I shouldn't have to "defend myself" to someone who I care about and says he/she cares about me. Why would anyone who cares about me, genuinely has emotional attachments, give me reason to feel judged or dissected enough to feel the need for defensive action? If that happens, they are trying to make me into something I am not. Therefore, they do not truly love who I am, nor do they value my contribution to the relationship.

So...

I am at the point in my life where being a doormat has to end. I will still smile at strangers. I will still show love to those that don't always deserve it. But I will not suffer my soul anymore to anyone not showing me the same courtesy. I will walk away and know that breaking up with you was actually pretty easy.