Keepin' it Real

I have been trying to teach my ten year old the concept of priorities.

Everything has it's level of importance, but how do I teach her what is the most important? This isn't anything new with us. It seems to be an ongoing lesson with both of my children (the other being eight years old), but lately my eldest has shown signs of a pre-teen or "tween" attitude that occasionally needs to be adjusted.

Last night, she and I had a very extensive talk regarding the point of doing well now in school as opposed to focusing on it later when tracking one's GPA and extra curricular activities are going on. I explained about the job market being extremely tough now, and she should imagine the difficulty in eight years. The interesting thing came after our discussion about GPA calculations and clubs and scholarships, etc. She asked me what it was I hoped for her by that point in her life.

I told her that my ultimate goal was that she and my youngest both could shine on their graduating stage with honors. I told her that she was blessed with natural abilities that shouldn't be wasted as she continues to mature. But what I said next made her really perk up to my challenge.

I explained my own lack of effort in school and my inability to get scholarships, thus making college life extremely difficult. I pointed out that I have a degree from a decent school, but not one that screams "Hire me!" And for that I have not worked in my field in 2 years. But most importantly, I wanted her to know that I would always love her no matter what. I want the absolute best for both of my baby girls. I have sacrificed a lot to be with them as much as I can since my divorce. And that is so that they, hopefully, won't resent me later for neglecting them for my own desires.

I brought them here. Right? Why wouldn't I make their goals and aspirations, hopes and dreams, the absolute focus of my life? Sure, some can achieve that and still be career women or men, but everyone is different. My kids really needed me in this period of their life. So I sacrificed my career for them. Temporarily of course. And as long as I instill in them the reason behind hard work and effort, I believe they will one day have their own intrinsic motivation that drives them without me having to be behind the wheel.

So when someone asks me about my priorities, my kids are number one. Don't get me wrong, I want my love life to be something capable of blossoming and expanding. But if I have to sacrifice my time and energy with my kids to be the only one in a relationship trying to make it work? Nope. This is the ship I am sailing on. If a man, friends, family, etc can't love me in the process, then I will smile and move on, knowing I did what was right for me and my sweet darling girls.